Team America…Not Quite World Police.

More like World Drinkers. Believe me, guns in the hands of this crew would be more dangerous than Dubya!. (and for the secret service that is now targeting me as a "malcontent" after reading this, stop monitoring inane blogs that randomly mention El Heffe and do something useful - like sending me Wheat Thins and Triscuts! Why must you horde the tasty snack crackers?! I can't get them here and given that my only other option is the pathetic Melba Toast which reduces into a pile of dust when touched, I think that would go A LONG way to global relations. Wheat Thins: Crackers of Peace...just something to think about.

I digress.

So the whole reason I'm even in Amsterdam is because I got a job here. I work in the EMEA headquarters of a US-based company so happily for me I get to travel back the states every few months. This time, I somehow managed to convince a group of my colleagues from the US to come to Amsterdam for a “business meeting” and weekend of fun. Which proved to be stressful as the meeting drew closer since I realized that not only was Team America made up of super Smarty McSmarts but they all have very busy important jobs. It occurred to me if I screwed this up not only would I look like a jackass but likely would be shipped off to start the new Guam operation selling pipecleaners. Luckily meetings went well, but the weekend was where Team America really made their mark.

They came, they drank, they made friends with a Viking, they drank, their bodies rejected their organs, they drank, they went home...

First of all here is a brief introduction to Team America:



Here we have the person responsible for the public face of our company...















This is the guy responsible for all operational interests - he's got his eye on the ball













Here is the man in charge of our global web operations


















And here we have the fella who handles all production aspects for our company...yea, look for great things from this company...






So having the group here was nothing short of great business wise, however I did not properly prepare for our weekend together. True preparation would have involved a rigirous 10-week training program of staying up until 4am, drinking my weight in beer and being able to do it all again the next night. As it was I was woefully unprepared to keep up so I had to call in reinforcements!

Reinforcements#1 - Some of my absolute favorite people - Chris and Madelon. Chris ushered 16 hungry people to a restaurant where he is practically the Godfather and Madelon made fast friends after demonstrating her secret talent.







Reinforcement #2 - THE VIKING!
Pictured here with Wes who was busy saying to himself "no sudden movements... nooooo sudden movements!"

Tor, along with girlfriend Donna (yet ANOTHER of my two favorite people) became our mascot for the weekend...despite Colin's declarations that he could "take down the Viking" Colin miraculaously still has limbs.

I have to say we all adjusted quite well to our 20 hour average days touring around, visitng pubs, "meeting" etc. Granted the sheer number of hours we spent sitting around drinking large beers, eating Dutch delights like Bitterballen and talking - it's shameful that we went to about 4 bars overall. But while we all seemed to adjust to being in a bar for 10 solid hours, we came to realize that around 4am you have 2 and only 2 options - as shown below:

#1 - Put on protective gear immediately. The possibilitiy of injuring yourself just attempting to make it to the bathroom are high. Expertly demonstrated by Brad Vocke.


#2 - Seek advice from the good lord. Hunker down and wait for sunlight.

However, the unfortuante thing is that nothing really and truly prepares you for coming to, realizing you're in the Viking's apartment being forcefed "shampoo" a.k.a. some sort of Norwegan elixir that is most commonly used to strip paint of fishing boats, and trying to find your way home. Ahhh Amsterdam. Good times.

We did actually do some respectable things. Did the usual boat tour trip, saw some sights, hung out at the American Cafe (not as lame as it sounds - it's an old hotel - gorgeous!) an generally had a fantastic time.

I left Team America in the wee hours of the morning to head back to their hotel and pray they found their way to the airport a mere 3 hours later. I did not at all envy Paul's wife Sunny - a true good sport - for having to put up with a hungover Paul the next day. Nor what would surly be 3 bleery eyed Americans craving nothing more than an icy big gulp only to recieve 8 oz of flat soda with one ice cube.

The weekend was FANTASTIC! I could not have had more fun and made great friends with Team America. I'm hoping to get my decoder ring in the mail soon but until I do I'll just have to use the photographic evidence as membership leverage. Ya'll come back soon!

(more photos from the weekend below)

Boat Tour

Madelon, Kate and Sunny